Live Every Week Like It's Shark Week.

5th March 2011

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Man, I can’t believe it. I got into the University of Pennsylvania’s School of Design Master of City Planning program on Thursday! I’m still excited about the news, but I’m most excited about my family and friends helping me stay sane during this process. I’ve been a stressed out bundle of nerves for the past six months or so— studying for the GRE, getting recommendations, editing and re-editing my application essays. But hardest of all was waiting for the decisions.

I don’t think many people knew this, but for a couple of weeks before I got the email, I was completely on edge. I’d stay up at night obsessing over my application and worrying that I didn’t say enough in my essay, or that at 750 words, it was way over the 600-word limit. I played all the games that a person can play inside of their own head, even though I knew I was qualified; even though I knew that it was unproductive. I lost a lot of sleep and probably ruffled a few feathers not answering to emails, not hanging out and being generally withdrawn from all but a few friends. I was in a really, really tough place for that time. But funnily enough, I was in the middle of an abnormally stressful day at work when I got an email from the head of the department. All of my anxieties and stress came out like a sudden release of catharsis— in the form of a scream that I’m sure was heard all the way down Bedford Ave. I think it was the proudest I’ve ever felt of myself, and now that I look back, I was really happy that I heard the news on a Thursday morning at egg surrounded by people who have been watching me sulk, listening to me kvetch and helping me stay sane. The hugs and hugs and hugs I got made me feel enveloped by so much love— which immediately turned my elation into the realization that I’ll probably be leaving Brooklyn. That part’s still a little tough to process, so I’m doing my best not to get emotional about that until a few months from now.

I just feel so lucky to have lived a life where I’ve been given so many opportunities, and where I have built a community of people who are wonderful and smart and funny and who I know have my back no matter what. When I think about it, it’s almost too much to bear. 

15th February 2011

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The Permanence of Digital Space

I’ve been trying to find my voice on this Tumblr ever since I got it. I think it’s evolved from a repository of hilarious images and videos I stumbled across in the wee hours of the night to astute social observations to disrepair and neglect to an extension of my Twitter account. I still don’t know what I want it to be.

A little story: A few weeks ago, I was sitting in the egg office with George when I remarked on how bizarre it is that, as a 25-year-old American, I have had an internet persona for my entire life. It says something, I think, about the role of posturing in social interactions, appealing at once to total strangers and a close social circle. I remember having an AOL profile, a Xanga, LiveJournal, DiaryLand and of course Friendster. I’ve been through it all on social media, even before it had a name or a profit margin. Most of it probably has to do with me being an introverted only child, but interacting with people on the internet when you are very literally in adolescence and trying to find your voice probably shaped me in ways that I won’t even recognize until I read (and retweet) in a New York Times article someday.

The best part of the story— one that I haven’t really been able to articulate until now— is that we both ended up in an office in Williamsburg in 2011, reading our journals from different times in our lives. He had a blog in the September 11 Web Archive at the Library of Congress because of his 9/11 photos; I had my old password-protected Xanga, spanning from 2001-2004, the latter part of high school and early college.

It is indeed strange to realize the passage of time through this lens. Every once in a while, one of us would chuckle aloud or grimace at something that we wrote long, long ago. 9/11 was a pivotal time in everyone’s life, but to a young newlywed living in Manhattan, it was way different than it was for me, a high school student in Chicago. For George, it was before he and Jennifer had kids and before he opened egg; for me, it was before I had fallen in love (and in love and in love…) or visited New York City or read The Corrections. Things pass, lives change and time is parsed in these ways that we can’t even begin to understand yet. It’s really interesting to get a glimpse into the way I thought back then, what I considered important and to get a sense of how I’ve evolved. 

If my digital life began as something I did to nurture my adolescent exhibition tendencies, then right now I’ve got two feet firmly planted in digital posterity. Not that I want my children or their children checking out my Tumblr after I’m gone or anything like that, but it is quite nice to have a journal to consult years down the line, just for laughs or to compare notes.

And that’s what I’ve decided this space is. I don’t see myself posting long-winded rants like this very often, simply because of the restrictions of the medium. But my goal is to have a space where I can post, blog and reblog things that are significant to me, right now, in 2011. It’s a personal space, and hopefully I won’t have to fight the same losing battle against “professionalism” that I try to negotiate on Facebook and Twitter. It’s also completely public (for now) which carries its own set of quandaries, but I figure I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.